In the quiet of the early morning, I sat in my normal spot on the couch with a cup of coffee and prayed that I would have God’s eyes.  That I would see all of my time as precious time in His presence.  Not just the silence.  But every moment.

Because since that curtain tore from “top to bottom” and “the earth shook” (Matthew 27:51), every moment IS in His presence.  Desperately, I want to see.  And remember.  He is HERE.

Enter this day.  After early morning snuggles with my babies and quiet time in our Word, the crazy came.  Not the normal level of crazy that comes from having babies.  No.  My headstrong bird screamed most of the morning with hamburger gums from some aggressive incisors trying to push their way through.  And my rambunctious bug tried to spear his sister with a piece of driftwood that’s been unearthed during packing for our upcoming move, and then tied my vacuum hose around his waist and stretched every inch of that six foot tube as he pulled it like a sled across the living room.

Pouring rain.  An unfortunate incident with ketchup.  Isaiah disappearing.  An attempt at nap time.  Endless laundry.  And a whole lot of tired from new teeth and no nap.

Me, trying.  Saint James flexing his patience muscles as he deals with the crazies and his wife with the segmented brain and the ginormous attitude.  Bless him.

Gritted teeth and then tears over dinner.  And my apology of “I don’t want to be, to feel, like this.”

Then the brick up side my head that I so often pray for.

His presence.  Here.  In moving boxes taking over my square footage that should be play area for rainy days.  In no nap, and no quiet.  In teething.  In  chaos and attitude.  In life.

Father Solanus Casey, the Capuchin friar, has a prayer that goes,

“Do not pray for easy lives.  Pray to be stronger.  Do not pray for tasks equal to your powers.  Pray for powers equal to your tasks. then the doing of your work shall be no miracle but you shall be a miracle.  Every day you shall wonder at yourself. at the richness of life which has come to you by the grace of God.”

The winter, the hard times, the chaos, the moves.  It is what makes us stronger.  Pain paves the way to compassion, suffering makes way for the deepest healing.  Each day, God is working.  He is here.

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.  Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” (James 1:2-4 NIV)

We pray for the vision, we pray for the strength and the perseverance, the character changes and the willing hearts, but are shocked by trials.  But it’s the tests that are growing us.

Recently, I asked my brother to spot me during a benchpress session, after not having lifted in years.  I maxed out and having not been to the gym regularly for over six years, my maximum weight was ten pounds less than when I had worked HARD over a couple years to set a personal record.  I was astounded.  The past couple years of lifting babies and hefty toddlers, sporadic workouts. . . and. . .  life.  Have made me, even physically, stronger.

God is working.  All of our moments, all of our time IS spent in His presence.  This IS holy ground, if we have eyes to see.  He IS growing us and developing us and using us.  And the day IS coming where we will pick up the weight astounded that it’s not so heavy.  To see that He has been using us all along, and that somehow we’ve changed and blossomed into a new creation that just, by its being, gives Him the glory.

Blessings.